Turn - The Wombats

To expand on the last post - there is a large societal expectation set out for women, and we learn it young

Pretty will protect you, your appearance is a weapon, a device, and armour against the male species. Boys at a young age do tease the girls they deem unattractive, treat them differently, with disinterest, or ignore them completely

Even now we have to tell men, on social media, that only respecting women you're attracted to isn't respecting women

All I did was adopt the idea that being pretty or beautiful would protect me against opinions

I didn't want people's opinions, still to this day, I am happy without them

I don't like people commenting on how I look, even positively, it is a reminder to me that it matters to people

What I'm trying to say I guess is that I blame toxic masculinity and the male gaze for a lot of my problems. Not men, not anyone in particular, but concepts, ideas and enviroments that I grew up in and with

In my book Girl behind the mask there are less songs and more quotes

One is "Is it sin to desire men despite what men have done to me" - Bobby Crawford, Church

Part of my psychosis was that it was me against men, and i bent over backwards refusing to concede to this invisible opponent, mass of opponents, some of the characters I knew and some were strangers

It didn't matter

Even then, I still wanted to be seen as attractive for a while. Until I was too exhausted to care

That's usually when we stop. Stop doing whatever it is we're doing. Performing, editing ourselves, dressing up unnecessarily for others. Our highlight reels. We stop when we wake up, or get tired

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