I think I left off at the point where I moved schools and was struggling to a
djust/ not adhere to conventional gender stereotypes such as being quiet, demure, not too confrontational, loud, or outgoing.. unfortunately I’d taken drama as one of my subjects. Having just developed severe social anxiety and a deep fear of boys as a result of my trauma this was not a great scenario to be in. I did my best and over the course of my GCSE’s crawled my way to a B. My first performance involved a panic attack where I froze and didn’t move from my chair for the whole performance, it was a silent and masked piece. Needless to say I didn’t get a high mark. By the end of GCSE drama I was speaking so I did progress. Throughout my GCSE’s and A levels I suffered from a variety of mental health problems, however I didn’t know at the time what I was suffering from. I developed an eating disorder at twelve but was diagnosed at sixteen, and discharged from the recovery service I was under at seventeen. I had another breakdown near to my eighteenth birthday and that was body dysmorphia and depression. I refused to go into school, and would only go for car drives in the dark, I didn’t even want the other drivers to see me. It was so hard to have that breakdown after being so happy to be discharged, I’d had such a good year prior to it. However as always, it was necessary to my growth and shaped my personality these days enormously. After every breakdown I somehow became kinder and more aware, stronger, braver and sturdier. These days I embrace my curves because I have to, they’re there, they’re not going anywhere any time soon. Luckily I’m older and wiser, and they’re more accepted in society at 24 than they were at twelve.
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