Girl Almighty - One Direction

Baby was born in a toilet stall at the age of twelve, as I cried after being mocked mercilessly by another boy from my year group. I was large for my age, make up free, conventionally unattractive, and yet I still had confidence, was essentially happy, and overall quite bossy and extroverted. This all changed as I underwent an extreme teen makeover over the summer holidays and by my thirteenth birthday I looked like the other girls in my year, or as close as I could get. My curly hair straightened, my red complexion evened out with concealer and most importantly, my body - slim. It was a miserable summer full of arguments and starvation tactics, but I achieved the end goal, the approval of my peers. Even that young I knew fitting in was important, and I was determined not to lose my newfound sense of belonging, my new appearance, and my new friends.

By the time it got to the year nine prom I was, despite none of us knowing what to call it, or what to do with me, anorexic. I was determined to fit into the dress I wanted to wear so I doubled down on my already strict diet.

I moved schools the next year and anxiety kicked in on my first day, again, I had no idea what to call it. For those of us who have suffered from mental illness since childhood there weren't ways to voice how you felt yet, names for it, or clear explanations. There was a lot of darkness, loneliness and confusion involved.

I'll leave this blog entry here for now, and continue the story another day, with more on identity disorders. This blog will focus more on lesser known mental illnesses such as psychosis, bipolar and personality disorders. Personally I believe the most destructive mental illnesses have the worst reputation despite needing the greatest amount of support and empathy to rebuild life afterwards. I want to raise awareness and change stigmas about them through my music, my writing and my blog.

thank you for reading :) xxx


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